


i feel void without you

by justajoke99



Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Yelling, very sad but then very soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:20:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22020853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justajoke99/pseuds/justajoke99
Summary: He still thinks of his happiness occasionally. Remembers waking up to honey brown eyes in the morning. Remembers soft sandy hair tickling his neck at night. Remembers the warm hugs that kept him together when he felt exactly like this. Remembers the laughter. These memories are a bittersweet indulgence.
Relationships: Cody Ko/Noel Miller
Comments: 4
Kudos: 52





	i feel void without you

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i posted a story like yesterday that i had written at like 2 am and rereading it today i don't like it that much so i'll probably rewrite that but i've had this story written for a while and i just found it again and i really enjoy this one so here it is! i'm new here so any comments/constructive criticism are appreciated! as per usual, i really respect the short kings and their girlfriends (big love for aleena and kelsey) pls don't show this to them or anyone affiliated with them.

He didn’t feel alive anymore. Void. That was the right way to describe him. Filled with nothing. His heart beat in his empty chest. Air clawed at his empty lungs. He felt as though he were made of glass. Everybody could see that he was void of anything, anything that would’ve made him human, anything that would’ve made him whole. He couldn’t cry, couldn’t scream. Void.  
…

There once was a time where he was happy. Once. It was a long time ago. Noel didn’t know that feeling anymore, didn’t know the way his heart filled with genuine emotion, didn’t know what that meant anymore. Happy. It was a loose word on his tongue. It didn’t hold weight, it floated around his head like a pesky fly. Now weight of life kept him sinking and sinking deeper into the ocean of depression. A wave would crash, suffocating him fully, choking him with salty tears. He clings to those happy moments like a life raft, until the unforgiving tide of the waves snatches it away from him and he’s sinking once again. He still thinks of his happiness occasionally. Remembers waking up to honey brown eyes in the morning. Remembers soft sandy hair tickling his neck at night. Remembers the warm hugs that kept him together when he felt exactly like this. Remembers the laughter. These memories are a bittersweet indulgence. When he was happy, his chest caved at the thought of being alone. That was his reality now. He didn’t feel anything anymore. It wasn’t worth trying.

…

There are some days where he indulges too much. Days where he thinks too hard about that comforting smile. Days where he thinks too hard about how perfectly their hands fit together. Days where he thinks too hard about those hugs. He thinks too hard about the comforting feeling of hearing another person’s heartbeat. He thinks too hard about the late nights and early mornings. Those are the days when he cries. He cries for his lost love. Cries for the happiness. Cries for a time in his life where he wasn’t so dead inside, so empty. He curls up in his empty bed and places his hand on the now empty pillow opposite of him. If he shuts his eyes hard enough, he can almost imagine running his hand through that soft hair. Almost. When he opens his eyes, he’s yet again back in his reality. Where he belongs. Alone. He deserved it.

…

He’s indulged too much today. He’s crying on his bed again, reaching out for someone who’s never coming back. He didn’t think he could cry any longer. He picked up his phone, crying harder at the picture still set as his lock screen, he hadn’t had the heart to change it, maybe it was some delusion of hope. He typed out a quick message. He had to reach out. Maybe, just maybe there was a chance of a response. A chance that he didn’t have to be so alone, so sad. His finger hovered over the send button. More tears rolled down his face and the screen became blurry. He tapped the button and looked back at the pillow. He placed his phone there, turning it towards him, so he could imagine that he was lying here, right next to him.

…

Noel’s phone vibrated from the pillow next to him. A response. He held his phone close to his chest and let a few more tears fall from his face before reading it.

“Hey. I miss you too.”

He broke out in laughter. Happy tears sprung from his eyes to replace the somber ones.

“But we both hurt each other. I don’t wanna feel like that again and I’m sure you don’t either.” He reread the message and took a deep breath before typing out a response.

“Yeah I don’t want to feel like that and I will try and never make you feel like that ever again.” It was a start.

He didn’t have to be so alone anymore.

…

Cody was sitting on his couch, tearing at the thread of his jeans while some home renovation show played in the background. His phone buzzed on the couch pillow next to him.

“I miss you. Like really miss you. I’m so sorry. I still love you.”

He sucked in a shuddering breath before replying.

“I’d be willing to try it out again.” This was a start.

Maybe he could love again.

…

Cody thinks back to a time of love for him. After this breakup he had been a shell of who he once was. He didn’t feel whole. Like a puzzle missing its final piece, he never felt like he was complete. When he texted, his heart felt like it had leapt up into his throat, emotions choking him. He clutched the phone to his chest and remembered.

_“Baby, look at me,” Noel said, caressing Cody’s cheek with the back of his hand. Cody wouldn’t look him in the eyes, he was too scared. He didn’t want Noel to see him like this, so broken, so hurt. Noel brought his fingers under Cody’s chin and lifted his head so he could see him. Cody’s face was covered in messy tears, hair stuck to his forehead, bloodshot eyes. It tore him apart to see Cody be so broken, be so hurt._

_“Oh, baby, you’re okay. I’m here. You’re safe. I love you,” Noel whispered, bringing him into his arms. Cody laid his head against Noel’s shoulder and cried and cried, holding onto Noel like he was the only thing keeping him together. That’s because he was. Noel was his missing puzzle piece. Noel made him whole. Noel made him human again._  
…

Cody wrung his hands nervously. He was sitting inside a small coffee shop, continually scanning the shop for any sign of Noel. He shook with anxiety, his heartbeat getting louder, ringing in his ears, drowning out his surroundings, suffocating him. His breath quickened and he felt himself get sweatier. No way in hell was he doing this here, breaking down in front of the people in this coffee shop, breaking down right before he was supposed to meet Noel. He ran to the bathroom and locked the door. He held his head in his hands and let a few sobs come out of his mouth before quieting them to sniffles. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and sat against the door, debating whether or not to just leave. He didn’t realize how long he’d been there until he heard a knock on the door.

“Shit, shit, shit,” he murmured under his breath as he wiped his eyes more frantically.

“Cody?” The voice said. He could never forget that voice. That was Noel. A crying choke came out from Cody’s mouth as he splashed water on his face to try and cover up the blotchy red stains of his tears.

“I’m just washing my hands and then I’ll be right out!” He lied.

“Unlock the door,” Noel’s voice said authoritatively. Cody let out another sniffle. He still knew. Even after all that time, Noel still knew.  
Cody unlocked it. The door swung open and Noel entered, wrapping his arms around Cody immediately, only turning around to lock the door again. Cody broke down instantly, crying into Noel’s shoulder, inhaling the cologne that was the most comforting smell in the world to him.

“You’re okay. I’m here. I promise you that you’re going to be okay, bab- Cody,” He corrected himself. Cody cried harder into his shoulder, holding Noel as tight as he possibly could.

“I miss you,” Cody whispered into his shoulder.

“I miss you too,” Noel admitted, tightening his grip around Cody, who still shook with sniffles, as a few tears welled in his own eyes.

“Please don’t leave again,” Noel continued, more tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I don’t want to,” Cody said, pulling away, using his thumb to wipe away Noel’s tears. Noel thought back to that horrid night...

_“If you feel that way then maybe I should just leave!” Cody shouted, flinging a finger at the door._

_“That’s not what I meant and you know it!” Noel spat back, hands flying up in exasperation._

_“That’s what it fucking felt like, Noel! You don’t get to say that I’m controlling and frustrating when we both know damn well that you are the controlling and frustrating one!”_

_“That is not what I said, Cody! Stop twisting my words! Can we please, just talk about this?” Noel pleaded, as Cody stood with his arms crossed._

_“Fuck you Noel. That’s exactly what you said,” Cody stated, grabbing his phone and wallet from the coffee table and walking out the front door, slamming it behind him._

_“Cody!” Noel sobbed, ripping open the door and watching him speed away. He crumpled into a ball on the sidewalk before going back into his apartment and throwing himself on the couch while crying deeply into a couch cushion and texting Cody frantically._

_Please come back_   
_read 7:42pm_

_Cody please I can’t_   
_read 7:43pm_

_I’m so sorry_   
_Please forgive me_   
_I love you_   
_I can’t be alone_   
_read 7:45pm_

_Then learn to be_

Noel sobbed harder into Cody’s arms now. He never wanted to feel like that again. Cody continued to hold Noel, rubbing an arm up and down his back as his sobs died down to sniffles.

“I’m so sorry, so sorry Noel, I won’t leave you again,” Cody whispered into his ear.

“Promise?” Noel asked, a tinge of hope in his voice.

“I promise I won’t ever leave you again, I love you too much,” Cody admitted.  
Even though Noel had spent the last ten minutes crying, Cody could feel a small smile form on Noel’s face when he said that.  
...  
Noel was now driving himself and Cody back to his apartment. His hands were shaking as he gripped the wheel, holding it so tightly his knuckles were turning white. While stopped at a red light, Noel felt a hand rest over his. He looked to Cody, who gave him a soft smile and rubbed his thumb across the back of Noel’s hand.

“Calm down, Noel,” Cody whispered softly, locking his eyes with Noel’s. Cody took his hand away from Noel’s and Noel continued driving them, loosening his grip on the wheel.

They arrived at Noel’s apartment shortly. Cody got out of the car and walked to the driver’s side, where Noel stayed frozen, hands glued to the wheel, eyes locked on the sidewalk in front of them.

_Noel sobbed, ripping open the door and watching him speed away. He crumpled into a ball on the sidewalk._

Alone.

He was alone.

Sobbing on that sidewalk again.

“Noel? Noel? Dude are you okay?” Cody said, whisking Noel back to reality. Noel looked down at Cody, who had crouched to Noel’s height while putting a hand on the car door to steady himself.

“I-I’m sorry. I don’t, don’t know what happened,”

“It’s okay, let’s go inside, okay?” Cody comforted.

“I-I can’t st-stand.”

Cody wrapped his arms under Noel’s, resting his hands on Noel’s shoulders before carefully pulling him out of the car. Noel stood shakily now, still staring at the sidewalk outside of his apartment. Cody shut the car door and led him inside the apartment. Noel sat on the couch and continued staring blankly into space.

“Hey, are you okay?” Cody gently asked, sitting next to him on the couch. Noel turned and leaned his head on Cody’s shoulder.

“Just thinking about that night,”

“Hey, hey, don’t, don’t do that. I’m so, so sorry Noel,” Cody said, rubbing an arm up and down Noel’s.

“I’m sorry too,” he whispered into Cody’s shoulder

“Don’t be. I will never forgive myself for what I did.” Cody cringes thinking about his actions that night. He felt so hurt and betrayed that he just left, walked out of the place he had always felt at home in. Left the man who felt like home to him. He should’ve stayed, Noel wanted to talk and he just left. He was never going to leave Noel ever again. The way Noel had stared at the sidewalk today scared him. He had been actually traumatized by that night and it was Cody’s fault. Never again.

“I love you,” Cody said it so faintly Noel thought that he might not have heard him right.

“What?”

“I love you, Noel.” Noel felt tears well in his eyes, but this time they were tears of joy.

“I love you, Cody.”

“You don’t have to say it because I did. I really hurt you that night, I understand if you need more time to process everything.”

“I do love you Cody. I always have and always will.”

Noel sits up and looks Cody deeply in his eyes. He gently cups Cody’s cheek with his hand and brings him closer for a light kiss before pulling him into a hug. Right then and there, Noel was no longer void. No longer made of glass, no longer lacking anything that made him human. He was filled with love. The wave of depression had finally lightened for he was no longer choking on his own tears. Cody felt safe and loved in his arms, felt complete again. His missing puzzle piece had been found, he felt human again. Noel and Cody, Cody and Noel. They completed each other, filled voids, made each other safe.

They loved each other.


End file.
